2017; A Year in Review

2017 has been a tough one. From mental breakdowns to panic attacks to losing loved ones, I couldn’t be happier it’s coming to an end.

Despite all of these set backs, I learned a few things that I plan on taking with me to 2018.

Accept Help. In the darkest of moments, there were shining lights that helped me get through to the end. Those lights came in the form of people. I hate to admit this, but I have lots of pride. I am a self-sufficient woman that can go with the punches. Sometimes, though, I can get lost and spiral into a dark place. I don’t see people for weeks. I don’t want to eat. I stay up all night and then have to suffer for it all day. I’ll go into a depression that has always lingered, waiting for me to slip into bad habits once again. I refuse help. But in the middle of the darkness, I somehow always find a light. This year, the light came from my roommates. They checked on me despite me telling them that I was okay. They made sure I ate something. They offered to help me finish homework and even offered to sleep in my room with me so i wouldn’t be so lonely. Little by little, without me ever really knowing, I climbed my way out of the dark hole I fell into. I couldn’t have left that dark place without the light of my three wonderful roommates.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. I’ve been raised in a society that admires a go-go-go personality. The more you have on your plate, the more appetizing it looks. So I piled and piled my plate with things that would eventually topple over and leave me with a broken plate. I didn’t have the word “balance” in my vocabulary. I simply wanted to look successful. This ended up ruining me in a way. It got to be too heavy and I simple dropped it and walked away. I quit my job. I slacked in school. I didn’t participate in my multiple clubs and groups anymore. I even stopped volunteering. I became nothing but a shell. Eventually I picked myself up and only added the most important things back onto my plate. School and my mental health. I somehow got through it. I plan on tackling 2018 with the lesson I’ve learned; fill your plate with things that are important and do those things to the best of your ability.

Take care. I was so focused on all the things that made me look good on the outside, that I never really cared about taking care of what was on the inside. My mental health was deteriorating to the point that I developed anxiety for the first time. I had my first panic attack in a public setting in August of this year. I didn’t know what to do. Luckily I had someone sit with me for hours until I was calm again. I thank God everyday for this person. Still, that panic attack didn’t change my behavior. I simply went on doing things like I always have. I didn’t take breaks and I didn’t take care of my emotional and spiritual well-being either. I stuffed myself with things that would cause temporary relief. Eventually, nothing could bring relief. I realized that I am made up of more than just the physical being. I want to take care of myself and be 100% healthy for the inside out.

 

All things considered, this year was one of my worst, but it taught me the greatest lessons I have learned thus far. Here’s to taking these hard learned lessons of 2017 and making the new year, better than the last.

I wish you all the best this coming year. Let’s kick some ass!

-esteph

 

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